Friday, February 28, 2003
You're not going to believe this...
...but nearly every night, in the middle of the night, this red truck playing excessively loud Mexican polka music pulls into the parking lot of the Methodist Church behind my house, where the inhabitants of the truck get out and dump their trash into the church's dumpster while the polka music is blaring from their stereo. Do you really think I could make something like that up?
...but nearly every night, in the middle of the night, this red truck playing excessively loud Mexican polka music pulls into the parking lot of the Methodist Church behind my house, where the inhabitants of the truck get out and dump their trash into the church's dumpster while the polka music is blaring from their stereo. Do you really think I could make something like that up?
Monday, February 24, 2003
Things that I am very sick of
-All of the My Big Fat Greek Wedding hype. What was so cool about the movie in the first place was that it was such a success without any hype at all. So why the sudden need for hype? Is it their personal mission to make sure every man, woman, and child in America sees this movie at least once? I'm beginning to think so.
-Juicy Couture velour jogging suits and all the millions of imitations they have spawned
-Avril Lavigne (sorry, Dave)
-All of the My Big Fat Greek Wedding hype. What was so cool about the movie in the first place was that it was such a success without any hype at all. So why the sudden need for hype? Is it their personal mission to make sure every man, woman, and child in America sees this movie at least once? I'm beginning to think so.
-Juicy Couture velour jogging suits and all the millions of imitations they have spawned
-Avril Lavigne (sorry, Dave)
Thursday, February 20, 2003
Random notes
Due to factors such as my inability to get to the library and Blogger's inability to actually work, it has been a very long time since I posted. However, since that time, I have been composing several blog entries in my head, which I will now attempt to recreate here in a string of random thoughts:
-Did you ever notice how after people leave reality-TV shows, there are always clips of them riding mechanical bulls on the where-are-they-now shows? In fact, I found out this weekend that Blair from Road Rules: The Quest is actually a mechanical bull operator. What do these people think the mechanical bull says about them? Probably "I'm living a carefree life and have no regrets about appearing on reality TV." What it says to me is "I'm still not afraid to make an ass of myself on national television."
-Someone who really needs to get off my TV and onto the mechanical bull is the notorious Tawny. Not only was she on The 5th Wheel this week, she was on The 5th Wheel Superstar show for people who had already been on The 5th Wheel before! Note to Tawny: You are obviously unable to find love on reality TV. Please, for the love of God, try something else!
-Ryan and Zora proved to all of us this week that sometimes the nice people do finish first. So Sarah, you can go back to doing your bondage videos or whatever. (I seriously thought that was going to be the "shocking twist" at the end of Joe Millionaire, especially when Evan said in the previews, "I can't even look at that.") And Charlie, you can bring that Harry Winston rock straight to my door. I'll marry you.
-In the reality-TV show that I like to call my life, I had an actual conversation with CSRB the other day. It was about a box. Specifically, it was about whether said box would be big enough for someone to use for moving purposes. And yes, it was every bit as scintillating as it sounds.
Due to factors such as my inability to get to the library and Blogger's inability to actually work, it has been a very long time since I posted. However, since that time, I have been composing several blog entries in my head, which I will now attempt to recreate here in a string of random thoughts:
-Did you ever notice how after people leave reality-TV shows, there are always clips of them riding mechanical bulls on the where-are-they-now shows? In fact, I found out this weekend that Blair from Road Rules: The Quest is actually a mechanical bull operator. What do these people think the mechanical bull says about them? Probably "I'm living a carefree life and have no regrets about appearing on reality TV." What it says to me is "I'm still not afraid to make an ass of myself on national television."
-Someone who really needs to get off my TV and onto the mechanical bull is the notorious Tawny. Not only was she on The 5th Wheel this week, she was on The 5th Wheel Superstar show for people who had already been on The 5th Wheel before! Note to Tawny: You are obviously unable to find love on reality TV. Please, for the love of God, try something else!
-Ryan and Zora proved to all of us this week that sometimes the nice people do finish first. So Sarah, you can go back to doing your bondage videos or whatever. (I seriously thought that was going to be the "shocking twist" at the end of Joe Millionaire, especially when Evan said in the previews, "I can't even look at that.") And Charlie, you can bring that Harry Winston rock straight to my door. I'll marry you.
-In the reality-TV show that I like to call my life, I had an actual conversation with CSRB the other day. It was about a box. Specifically, it was about whether said box would be big enough for someone to use for moving purposes. And yes, it was every bit as scintillating as it sounds.
Friday, February 14, 2003
Gimme an O
I would like to thank Holly, Lyndsay, and Hannah for all weighing in on the orgasm question. You all make very good points (especially Hannah, because that's what my first guess was). But here's what I have to say: an orgasm is an orgasm. Period. It doesn't matter how you get there or where it happens. As we've seen, when you try to break it down into types, there are a thousand different delineations possible. So, in conclusion: Trista is just wack.
P.S. Remember the time Doppler Dave said that the weather was wack? I didn't personally see it, but Kristin Buel told me about it, and it was funny.
I would like to thank Holly, Lyndsay, and Hannah for all weighing in on the orgasm question. You all make very good points (especially Hannah, because that's what my first guess was). But here's what I have to say: an orgasm is an orgasm. Period. It doesn't matter how you get there or where it happens. As we've seen, when you try to break it down into types, there are a thousand different delineations possible. So, in conclusion: Trista is just wack.
P.S. Remember the time Doppler Dave said that the weather was wack? I didn't personally see it, but Kristin Buel told me about it, and it was funny.
The Love Forecast
My friends and I have a long-held theory that our love lives tend to work in "seasons"--that is, it seems like things always seem to be going well for us during a particular time of the year. My season is spring; more specifically, at the end of March, beginning of April, right around my birthday. However, when my season came and went last year without even a crush, I began to have doubts about the validity of this theory.
However, I have recently come to the conclusion that my love life not only operates in seasons, it also operates in cycles. Looking back over the past decade or so, I've discovered that, in fact, the periods of the most romantic activity do tend to occur in late March or early April (thus proving the seasons theory), but they only occur in three- or four-year cycles. For example, the years in which I had the best love life during my season were 8th grade (when I turned 14), senior year of high school (when I turned 18), and junior year of college (when I turned 21). You'll notice that there was a four-year interval between the first and second examples but a three-year interval between the last two. What I'm hoping is that a year gets taken off each cycle, meaning that the period between my last good-love-life cycle and my next good-love-life cycle will be only two years, meaning that I'm due for a good love life somewhere around my 23rd birthday, which only happens to be a month and a half away.
Of course, I could be totally wrong. Only time will tell. And none of this really matters anyway since Valentine's Day always falls just before my season and so I am always boyfriend-less on this stupid holiday. At least my parents don't think I'm too old to still be getting Valentine's care packages from them.
My friends and I have a long-held theory that our love lives tend to work in "seasons"--that is, it seems like things always seem to be going well for us during a particular time of the year. My season is spring; more specifically, at the end of March, beginning of April, right around my birthday. However, when my season came and went last year without even a crush, I began to have doubts about the validity of this theory.
However, I have recently come to the conclusion that my love life not only operates in seasons, it also operates in cycles. Looking back over the past decade or so, I've discovered that, in fact, the periods of the most romantic activity do tend to occur in late March or early April (thus proving the seasons theory), but they only occur in three- or four-year cycles. For example, the years in which I had the best love life during my season were 8th grade (when I turned 14), senior year of high school (when I turned 18), and junior year of college (when I turned 21). You'll notice that there was a four-year interval between the first and second examples but a three-year interval between the last two. What I'm hoping is that a year gets taken off each cycle, meaning that the period between my last good-love-life cycle and my next good-love-life cycle will be only two years, meaning that I'm due for a good love life somewhere around my 23rd birthday, which only happens to be a month and a half away.
Of course, I could be totally wrong. Only time will tell. And none of this really matters anyway since Valentine's Day always falls just before my season and so I am always boyfriend-less on this stupid holiday. At least my parents don't think I'm too old to still be getting Valentine's care packages from them.
Thursday, February 13, 2003
Come again?
Last night on The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All! (not sure if there's supposed to be an exclamation point in the title, but it felt right), an audience member asked Trista if she'd had any luck achieving "the big O" since she'd revealed on the first show that she'd never had one. Trista replied, "Well, you know there are two kinds. I've had the first kind but not the second."
Whoa! Let's back the cart up here. There are two kinds?! In nearly a decade of reading Cosmo, I have obviously managed to skip over something crucial. Which is why this weekend, I plan to gather all my back issues of womens' magazines for an emergency study session.
Speaking of a show where no one ever has an orgasm, ever, I'll admit that my affection for Dawson's Creek has been waning of late. I'll also admit that I still tune into it every week. Old habits are hard to break, I guess. Anyway, I was especially psyched for last night's show, in which Pacey and Joey get locked into a Big K-Mart and are forced to spend the night there. As some of you may know, it has long been a dream of mine to spend the night in a Super Wal-Mart (the kind that's open 24 hours). Shortly after we became roommates, Diana revealed that this was also a dream of hers. Due to circumstances that really don't need to be mentioned, we never managed to achieve this dream during our four years of living together. So you can imagine how excited I was to see Pacey and Joey living out the dream.
I was especially excited when, toward the end of the episode, Joey told Pacey that this had always been a dream of hers. Wow, I thought. Not only did Diana and I both have this dream, but the fictional Joey Potter did, too! But alas, she was only talking about some stupid and totally unoriginal dream of being shipwrecked with Pacey. God, how boring. Although, I must say, it's not an altogether unattractive fantasy.
Last night on The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All! (not sure if there's supposed to be an exclamation point in the title, but it felt right), an audience member asked Trista if she'd had any luck achieving "the big O" since she'd revealed on the first show that she'd never had one. Trista replied, "Well, you know there are two kinds. I've had the first kind but not the second."
Whoa! Let's back the cart up here. There are two kinds?! In nearly a decade of reading Cosmo, I have obviously managed to skip over something crucial. Which is why this weekend, I plan to gather all my back issues of womens' magazines for an emergency study session.
Speaking of a show where no one ever has an orgasm, ever, I'll admit that my affection for Dawson's Creek has been waning of late. I'll also admit that I still tune into it every week. Old habits are hard to break, I guess. Anyway, I was especially psyched for last night's show, in which Pacey and Joey get locked into a Big K-Mart and are forced to spend the night there. As some of you may know, it has long been a dream of mine to spend the night in a Super Wal-Mart (the kind that's open 24 hours). Shortly after we became roommates, Diana revealed that this was also a dream of hers. Due to circumstances that really don't need to be mentioned, we never managed to achieve this dream during our four years of living together. So you can imagine how excited I was to see Pacey and Joey living out the dream.
I was especially excited when, toward the end of the episode, Joey told Pacey that this had always been a dream of hers. Wow, I thought. Not only did Diana and I both have this dream, but the fictional Joey Potter did, too! But alas, she was only talking about some stupid and totally unoriginal dream of being shipwrecked with Pacey. God, how boring. Although, I must say, it's not an altogether unattractive fantasy.
Friday, February 07, 2003
Love is in the air
Today my relationship with Cute Stockroom Boy (CSRB) progressed to a new level.
Me: Hey (dreamy smile)
CSRB: Hey (dreamy smile) How are you?
Me: Great. How are you doing?
CSRB: Good.
Then he almost knocks me over with the rug he is carrying out to a customer.
I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time until I'm bearing his children.
Today my relationship with Cute Stockroom Boy (CSRB) progressed to a new level.
Me: Hey (dreamy smile)
CSRB: Hey (dreamy smile) How are you?
Me: Great. How are you doing?
CSRB: Good.
Then he almost knocks me over with the rug he is carrying out to a customer.
I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time until I'm bearing his children.
Thursday, February 06, 2003
Reality redux
I have hit upon a brilliant idea for a new reality dating show: fixing up the rejects from reality dating shows with one another! I call it "Second Chances." Eventually, I will call it something slightly less lame. Seriously, though, these people came on TV to find love. Why should they give up after only one try? Here are my ideas for the first few episodes:
Mojo from Joe Millionaire and Greg from The Bachelorette: They already have a great dinner topic: "Hey, remember the time we made asses of ourselves on national TV?" If things work out, maybe he'll rap for her and she'll make him a puzzle. It's a match made in my-God-I-can't-believe-you-did-that-on-TV heaven.
Brooke from The Bachelor 2 and Ryan from The Bachelorette: Yes, I did predict Ryan to win, but something (i.e. my friend Bri telling me that she heard on the radio that Trista was spotted with Charlie) tells me that Trista's going to stomp on his poor little heart. He doesn't deserve that. And neither did Brooke. They would be the sweetest couple that ever lived.
Melissa M. from Joe Millionaire and Bob from The Bachelorette: She misuses words, he makes fun of her. They might not hit it off, but it would make for some great TV.
Russ from The Bachelorette and Sarah from Joe Millionaire: Even if Evan ends up picking Sarah (which he probably will, because he's stupid), I predict that she'll throw a glass of champagne in his face when he tells her he doesn't really have the $50 mil. Russ and Sarah are both annoying, aggressive, and bitchy. Perfect.
I have hit upon a brilliant idea for a new reality dating show: fixing up the rejects from reality dating shows with one another! I call it "Second Chances." Eventually, I will call it something slightly less lame. Seriously, though, these people came on TV to find love. Why should they give up after only one try? Here are my ideas for the first few episodes:
Mojo from Joe Millionaire and Greg from The Bachelorette: They already have a great dinner topic: "Hey, remember the time we made asses of ourselves on national TV?" If things work out, maybe he'll rap for her and she'll make him a puzzle. It's a match made in my-God-I-can't-believe-you-did-that-on-TV heaven.
Brooke from The Bachelor 2 and Ryan from The Bachelorette: Yes, I did predict Ryan to win, but something (i.e. my friend Bri telling me that she heard on the radio that Trista was spotted with Charlie) tells me that Trista's going to stomp on his poor little heart. He doesn't deserve that. And neither did Brooke. They would be the sweetest couple that ever lived.
Melissa M. from Joe Millionaire and Bob from The Bachelorette: She misuses words, he makes fun of her. They might not hit it off, but it would make for some great TV.
Russ from The Bachelorette and Sarah from Joe Millionaire: Even if Evan ends up picking Sarah (which he probably will, because he's stupid), I predict that she'll throw a glass of champagne in his face when he tells her he doesn't really have the $50 mil. Russ and Sarah are both annoying, aggressive, and bitchy. Perfect.
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
Does Target think I have trust issues?
Today I applied for a job at Target, which hands-down wins the weird-application-question contest. One of the questions I had to answer was "What percentage of politicians do you think are honest?" I spent so much time trying to think of all the politicians I know of, trying to evaluate their honesty, and trying to calculate that into a percentage (not to mention the time I spent staring at the screen, going, "Why the hell do they want to know this?!"), the computer threatened to time out my session. In the end, I just selected 90-94% because I didn't want them to think I was cynical and jaded, yet I didn't want them to think I was a complete idiot by selecting 95-100%.
And to think, I once thought "What do you like about coffee?" was a strange application question.
Today I applied for a job at Target, which hands-down wins the weird-application-question contest. One of the questions I had to answer was "What percentage of politicians do you think are honest?" I spent so much time trying to think of all the politicians I know of, trying to evaluate their honesty, and trying to calculate that into a percentage (not to mention the time I spent staring at the screen, going, "Why the hell do they want to know this?!"), the computer threatened to time out my session. In the end, I just selected 90-94% because I didn't want them to think I was cynical and jaded, yet I didn't want them to think I was a complete idiot by selecting 95-100%.
And to think, I once thought "What do you like about coffee?" was a strange application question.
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