Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Don't even ask*
My day started with a huge fight about glitter necklaces and ended with an attempt (in vain, as it turns out) to rescue an injured hawk.
And here I was really hoping that it wasn't going to be one of those weeks.
*No, really. Don't.**
**You're going to ask anyway, aren't you?
This is not making my day a whole lot better
Last week, I bought gas for $2.19 a gallon. Today, I noticed that the price has since gone up to $2.39 a gallon. Clearly, if I keep driving to work every day, by the end of the year, it's going to have cost me approximately $27,000. (Ed. note: This may be a slight exaggeration.) Given this, I spent the rest of my drive home brainstorming alternative methods for getting to and from work.
-Walking. I've estimated that, to do this, I would have to leave my house approximately three hours (Ed. note: This is not an exaggeration) earlier than I normally do in the morning and would get home approximately three hours later. After the first week, I figure I'll either be in really, really good shape, or I'll be dead. I'm not sure that's a chance I want to take.
-Bike. This is much more feasible than walking (or it would be if I actually had a bike, but I hear they're not hard to obtain), but the likelihood that I would die increases tenfold, due to the craziness of most of Birmingham's drivers.
-Pony. Unfortunately, I was never one of those kids rich enough to have my own pony. Now that I'm out on my own, I'm definitely not one of those adults rich enough to have my own pony. Besides, if I did have one, I'd be afraid that the aforementioned crazy drivers would soon claim the life of both me and my pony. And that would be sad.
-Hitchhiking. This seems like a pretty feasible solution, until you consider that my chances of getting into a car with one of the aforementioned crazy drivers are very high.
-Begging my friends for rides. I have a feeling this would make me very unpopular with most, if not all, of my friends. Especially when I informed them that I wouldn't be chipping in any gas money.
-Hot-air balloon. I love this solution, but I'm afraid it might be a little high-maintenance. Besides, even though I could probably find parking for a hot-air balloon at work, I doubt the garage at my apartment complex would be big enough to hold it.
-Private jet. While I wouldn't mind having my own private jet, the reality is that I would probably waste more gas getting to an airstrip where I could take off in my private jet than I would just driving to work in the first place. Plus, if it costs me this much to gas up my car, could you imagine the expense of fueling a jet? Yikes.
-By some sort of contraption (a harness, possibly?) transported by homing pigeons. Considering how much I hate pigeons, this really isn't a viable option at all.
-Public transportation. Let's be honest here. In this city, I'd have more luck with the homing pigeon contraption thingy.
-By rearranging my molecular structure. Of all my ideas, this one seems to have the most potential. Every time I take a trip with my dad, he assures me that this idea of his (which he finally admitted he blatantly stole from Star Trek) will come to fruition in my lifetime. Well, it's my lifetime. When can I start rearranging?
My day started with a huge fight about glitter necklaces and ended with an attempt (in vain, as it turns out) to rescue an injured hawk.
And here I was really hoping that it wasn't going to be one of those weeks.
*No, really. Don't.**
**You're going to ask anyway, aren't you?
This is not making my day a whole lot better
Last week, I bought gas for $2.19 a gallon. Today, I noticed that the price has since gone up to $2.39 a gallon. Clearly, if I keep driving to work every day, by the end of the year, it's going to have cost me approximately $27,000. (Ed. note: This may be a slight exaggeration.) Given this, I spent the rest of my drive home brainstorming alternative methods for getting to and from work.
-Walking. I've estimated that, to do this, I would have to leave my house approximately three hours (Ed. note: This is not an exaggeration) earlier than I normally do in the morning and would get home approximately three hours later. After the first week, I figure I'll either be in really, really good shape, or I'll be dead. I'm not sure that's a chance I want to take.
-Bike. This is much more feasible than walking (or it would be if I actually had a bike, but I hear they're not hard to obtain), but the likelihood that I would die increases tenfold, due to the craziness of most of Birmingham's drivers.
-Pony. Unfortunately, I was never one of those kids rich enough to have my own pony. Now that I'm out on my own, I'm definitely not one of those adults rich enough to have my own pony. Besides, if I did have one, I'd be afraid that the aforementioned crazy drivers would soon claim the life of both me and my pony. And that would be sad.
-Hitchhiking. This seems like a pretty feasible solution, until you consider that my chances of getting into a car with one of the aforementioned crazy drivers are very high.
-Begging my friends for rides. I have a feeling this would make me very unpopular with most, if not all, of my friends. Especially when I informed them that I wouldn't be chipping in any gas money.
-Hot-air balloon. I love this solution, but I'm afraid it might be a little high-maintenance. Besides, even though I could probably find parking for a hot-air balloon at work, I doubt the garage at my apartment complex would be big enough to hold it.
-Private jet. While I wouldn't mind having my own private jet, the reality is that I would probably waste more gas getting to an airstrip where I could take off in my private jet than I would just driving to work in the first place. Plus, if it costs me this much to gas up my car, could you imagine the expense of fueling a jet? Yikes.
-By some sort of contraption (a harness, possibly?) transported by homing pigeons. Considering how much I hate pigeons, this really isn't a viable option at all.
-Public transportation. Let's be honest here. In this city, I'd have more luck with the homing pigeon contraption thingy.
-By rearranging my molecular structure. Of all my ideas, this one seems to have the most potential. Every time I take a trip with my dad, he assures me that this idea of his (which he finally admitted he blatantly stole from Star Trek) will come to fruition in my lifetime. Well, it's my lifetime. When can I start rearranging?
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]