Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Why you shouldn't vote for Sarah Palin*
Well, it seems that once again, we have reached the point in our political process in which one candidate in the race is guilty of a flaw so tragic that the mainstream media can't even bring themselves to report on it. Four years ago, it was Bush's mispronunciation of "America," and today, a no less grave offense has been committed by one Sarah Palin.
It's not her ubiquitous updo, although I do feel that her consistently perfect hair, like McCain's seven houses, puts her out of touch with the average American. No, the offense I'm referring to is the fact that Sarah Palin has given her children ridiculous names.
I'm willing to let "Piper" and "Willow" slide--what do I know, perhaps Sarah Palin developed a fondness for sci-fi WB shows while she was pregnant with those two and decided to name them in honor of her favorite characters on Buffy and Charmed. "Bristol" doesn't get by so easily, although she could always go the Posh-and-Becks route and claim her daughter was conceived in Bristol, Tennessee, although doing so would give me more information about Sarah Palin's sex life than I care to have. (I already feel like I have too much.) It's the boys that I simply cannot abide by. Track? Was he conceived during the Seoul Olympics? And Trig? Is that a nickname for "trigonometry"? I'm sorry, no. We cannot let this woman hold a position of so much influence in our country. The ridiculous baby names have already begun to spiral out of control in the U.S. even without Sarah Palin's help; can you imagine what would happen if a ridiculous baby namer won a spot in the White House? Unfortunately, with the Sarah Palin media frenzy currently in full force, I fear that the damage may have already been done. Maybe I should just be glad she didn't name one of them McKenna.
*And, by extension, John McCain. Although does anyone actually remember that John McCain is still running at this point? It's too bad that he has to be lumped in here, because I'm sure that his kids (if he has them, which I have no idea--I know way less about John McCain than I do about Sarah Palin, which is crazy, because I'd never even heard of Sarah Palin two weeks ago) have perfectly normal names.
Well, it seems that once again, we have reached the point in our political process in which one candidate in the race is guilty of a flaw so tragic that the mainstream media can't even bring themselves to report on it. Four years ago, it was Bush's mispronunciation of "America," and today, a no less grave offense has been committed by one Sarah Palin.
It's not her ubiquitous updo, although I do feel that her consistently perfect hair, like McCain's seven houses, puts her out of touch with the average American. No, the offense I'm referring to is the fact that Sarah Palin has given her children ridiculous names.
I'm willing to let "Piper" and "Willow" slide--what do I know, perhaps Sarah Palin developed a fondness for sci-fi WB shows while she was pregnant with those two and decided to name them in honor of her favorite characters on Buffy and Charmed. "Bristol" doesn't get by so easily, although she could always go the Posh-and-Becks route and claim her daughter was conceived in Bristol, Tennessee, although doing so would give me more information about Sarah Palin's sex life than I care to have. (I already feel like I have too much.) It's the boys that I simply cannot abide by. Track? Was he conceived during the Seoul Olympics? And Trig? Is that a nickname for "trigonometry"? I'm sorry, no. We cannot let this woman hold a position of so much influence in our country. The ridiculous baby names have already begun to spiral out of control in the U.S. even without Sarah Palin's help; can you imagine what would happen if a ridiculous baby namer won a spot in the White House? Unfortunately, with the Sarah Palin media frenzy currently in full force, I fear that the damage may have already been done. Maybe I should just be glad she didn't name one of them McKenna.
*And, by extension, John McCain. Although does anyone actually remember that John McCain is still running at this point? It's too bad that he has to be lumped in here, because I'm sure that his kids (if he has them, which I have no idea--I know way less about John McCain than I do about Sarah Palin, which is crazy, because I'd never even heard of Sarah Palin two weeks ago) have perfectly normal names.
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