Monday, November 01, 2004
A last-ditch effort
Today, on the eve of the presidential election, I have decided to enter in an eleventh-hour plea to all you undecided (or decided, but potentially coercible) registered voters who might be reading. So here goes: Please, for the love of God, don’t vote for Bush.
I know that over the course of the past few months, you’ve heard many, many reasons why you shouldn’t vote for Bush. He bungled the war in Iraq, he frittered away our budget surplus, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. None of that really matters. Why? Because there is one deep, abiding, fundamental reason why Bush should not be our president, and so far, nobody’s bothered to mention it. (Come to think of it, no one mentioned it back in 2000, either, and if they had, perhaps we wouldn’t be in the pickle we’re in today.) So now the time has come for me to impart the truth to you, dear readers, before it is too late.
That one reason is this: Bush doesn’t freaking know how to pronounce the name of our country.
For four years I’ve sat by, silently wincing every time he refers to us as “Amurrica.” But I’m sorry; I just can’t take it anymore. I’m of the firm belief that if you can’t pronounce the name of a country, you really shouldn’t be running it. It would be like if Tony Blair went around referring to England as “Uhngland.” Perhaps if Bush realized his shortcoming and referred to us as the United States (or, better yet, the impossible-to-mangle “U.S.”), I could overlook this problem. But no—every speech he gives, it’s “Amurrica” this, and “Amurrica” that. People wonder why other world leaders have no respect for our president. Could it possibly be because he doesn’t know how to pronounce the name of his own country?
Say what you want about John Kerry—he’s a flip-flopper, a tax-hiker, whatever—but the fact is, he knows how to say “America” properly. That’s all I’m saying.
Today, on the eve of the presidential election, I have decided to enter in an eleventh-hour plea to all you undecided (or decided, but potentially coercible) registered voters who might be reading. So here goes: Please, for the love of God, don’t vote for Bush.
I know that over the course of the past few months, you’ve heard many, many reasons why you shouldn’t vote for Bush. He bungled the war in Iraq, he frittered away our budget surplus, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. None of that really matters. Why? Because there is one deep, abiding, fundamental reason why Bush should not be our president, and so far, nobody’s bothered to mention it. (Come to think of it, no one mentioned it back in 2000, either, and if they had, perhaps we wouldn’t be in the pickle we’re in today.) So now the time has come for me to impart the truth to you, dear readers, before it is too late.
That one reason is this: Bush doesn’t freaking know how to pronounce the name of our country.
For four years I’ve sat by, silently wincing every time he refers to us as “Amurrica.” But I’m sorry; I just can’t take it anymore. I’m of the firm belief that if you can’t pronounce the name of a country, you really shouldn’t be running it. It would be like if Tony Blair went around referring to England as “Uhngland.” Perhaps if Bush realized his shortcoming and referred to us as the United States (or, better yet, the impossible-to-mangle “U.S.”), I could overlook this problem. But no—every speech he gives, it’s “Amurrica” this, and “Amurrica” that. People wonder why other world leaders have no respect for our president. Could it possibly be because he doesn’t know how to pronounce the name of his own country?
Say what you want about John Kerry—he’s a flip-flopper, a tax-hiker, whatever—but the fact is, he knows how to say “America” properly. That’s all I’m saying.
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