Monday, August 07, 2006
When bread breaks you
No, this is not the title of the latest hastily produced weekend prime-time shock show from Fox. It is, sadly, my life.
For some reason, that reason being that I did not have time to go to the store and have no other food in my house, I decided to bring for lunch today a couple of the leftover ingredients from The Great Strata Disaster of '06: the end of a loaf of French bread and some Gruyere cheese. Only since it's been a week since TGSD '06, the bread was, shall we say, a little stale. Oh, all right, it was worthy of being studied in a college-level geology course. But I've been to France several times, and by now I've cut my teeth on the stalest of the stale baguettes in hostel kitchens and budget-hotel dining rooms. Plus, I thought I could maybe soften it up in the microwave.
This was not to be. In fact, heating the bread only served to turn it into a sort of cracker, which was a plus for taste but a definite minus for masticability. At this juncture, it is important to mention that I have lately developed some sort of ear infection. Since I don't yet have a doctor in D.C., I've been trying to treat it myself with homeopathic ear drops, which so far seem to have done more harm than good. The pain now seems to have spread down to my jaw, making it difficult to do things like talk, swallow, blot lip gloss and, most importantly, chew.
As you can see, I was going into the task of eating rock-hard bread with a severe handicap. And yet I gave it a valiant effort, one that has succeeded in getting a minimal amount of nourishment in my belly, yes, but also bringing so much pain to my jaw that it's looking increasingly unlikely that I will ever be able to eat solid foods again. I guess it's a good thing I like smoothies.
No, this is not the title of the latest hastily produced weekend prime-time shock show from Fox. It is, sadly, my life.
For some reason, that reason being that I did not have time to go to the store and have no other food in my house, I decided to bring for lunch today a couple of the leftover ingredients from The Great Strata Disaster of '06: the end of a loaf of French bread and some Gruyere cheese. Only since it's been a week since TGSD '06, the bread was, shall we say, a little stale. Oh, all right, it was worthy of being studied in a college-level geology course. But I've been to France several times, and by now I've cut my teeth on the stalest of the stale baguettes in hostel kitchens and budget-hotel dining rooms. Plus, I thought I could maybe soften it up in the microwave.
This was not to be. In fact, heating the bread only served to turn it into a sort of cracker, which was a plus for taste but a definite minus for masticability. At this juncture, it is important to mention that I have lately developed some sort of ear infection. Since I don't yet have a doctor in D.C., I've been trying to treat it myself with homeopathic ear drops, which so far seem to have done more harm than good. The pain now seems to have spread down to my jaw, making it difficult to do things like talk, swallow, blot lip gloss and, most importantly, chew.
As you can see, I was going into the task of eating rock-hard bread with a severe handicap. And yet I gave it a valiant effort, one that has succeeded in getting a minimal amount of nourishment in my belly, yes, but also bringing so much pain to my jaw that it's looking increasingly unlikely that I will ever be able to eat solid foods again. I guess it's a good thing I like smoothies.
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