Wednesday, August 30, 2006
What part of "fifteen minutes" do you people not understand?
Given my feud with Netflix, I was hurting for entertainment last night. So during a rerun of Gilmore Girls I had already seen, I flipped over to FOX for Celebrity Duets, a train wreck of a spectacle in which washed-up has-been celebrities (such as Carlton Banks and Xena the Warrior Princess, who as much as I try to I cannot think of as "Alfonso Ribero" and "Lucy Lawless," which may be part of their problem) sing crappy songs with washed-up has-been musical artists (Michael Bolton, Michelle from Destiny's Child), then get judged by other washed-up has-been celebrities and musical artists (Marie Osmond and Little Richard, the latter of whom appears to be giving Paula Abdul some real competition for the title of Most Incoherent Reality-Show Judge).
It's the latest offering in the "let's take a former celebrity and make them do something that's completely outside their range of talent" genre that seems to be all the rage these days in reality programming. For me, this type of show illustrates one thing: There's a reason why people are only supposed to get fifteen minutes of fame. I mean, I'm pretty sure I could have gone my whole life not knowing what a horrible singer Carly Patterson is and been just fine. So listen up, washed-up has-been celebrities: Either pull a Teri Hatcher and languish in the obscurity of Radio Shack commercials while you're waiting for your next big break, or make like Gary Coleman and get a normal-person job. Just please, for the love of God, stop polluting my television with your attempts to sing/cook/lose weight/ballroom dance. (Yeah, I can't believe I just advised people to emulate Gary Coleman, either. I guess that's a true testament to the effect Carly Patterson's off-pitch vocals can have on a person.)
Given my feud with Netflix, I was hurting for entertainment last night. So during a rerun of Gilmore Girls I had already seen, I flipped over to FOX for Celebrity Duets, a train wreck of a spectacle in which washed-up has-been celebrities (such as Carlton Banks and Xena the Warrior Princess, who as much as I try to I cannot think of as "Alfonso Ribero" and "Lucy Lawless," which may be part of their problem) sing crappy songs with washed-up has-been musical artists (Michael Bolton, Michelle from Destiny's Child), then get judged by other washed-up has-been celebrities and musical artists (Marie Osmond and Little Richard, the latter of whom appears to be giving Paula Abdul some real competition for the title of Most Incoherent Reality-Show Judge).
It's the latest offering in the "let's take a former celebrity and make them do something that's completely outside their range of talent" genre that seems to be all the rage these days in reality programming. For me, this type of show illustrates one thing: There's a reason why people are only supposed to get fifteen minutes of fame. I mean, I'm pretty sure I could have gone my whole life not knowing what a horrible singer Carly Patterson is and been just fine. So listen up, washed-up has-been celebrities: Either pull a Teri Hatcher and languish in the obscurity of Radio Shack commercials while you're waiting for your next big break, or make like Gary Coleman and get a normal-person job. Just please, for the love of God, stop polluting my television with your attempts to sing/cook/lose weight/ballroom dance. (Yeah, I can't believe I just advised people to emulate Gary Coleman, either. I guess that's a true testament to the effect Carly Patterson's off-pitch vocals can have on a person.)
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