Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Signs of the times
On Monday I had a job interview in Kansas City (at Justin's place of employment, incidentally), which means I have spent much of the past few days driving on my very favorite interstate, I-70. Actually, it wasn't as bad as I remembered it, which either means that MoDOT finally got its act together or that the roads in Alabama are just that much worse in comparison.
One thing that hasn't changed along I-70 is the proliferation of strange and amusing billboards. After all, this is the same road that gave us such classic billboards as "Abortion Kills Babies," "Ho-Made Pies" and "Monks? Yes!" Here are some of the new billboards destined for the hall of fame:
Billboard #1 featured a picture of a sonogram accompanied by the slogan, "Woman, behold your child!" Other than a vague-sounding Web address written in relatively small letters across the bottom of the billboard, there was nothing else on it that offered any clues as to what it might be advertising. So I came up with the following guesses:
a) anti-abortion sentiments
b) a hospital
c) Jesus (albeit in a very strange way)
After conferring with Doug and Holly later that evening, I learned that my first guess was correct. I wasn't all that surprised, considering the disproportionately high number of anti-abortion billboards lining both sides of I-70. Which makes me wonder, are there really that many knocked-up women driving back and forth across the state of Missouri every day?
Billboard #2 was a black-and-white picture of a hand holding a candle, accompanied by the text, "Drink and drive? You will be missed." You're probably thinking that this doesn't sound too odd. Just your average PSA, right? Wrong. This was an ad for a funeral home. The implicit message being, of course, "If you drink and drive, you'll die...and we'll certainly appreciate your business! Bottoms up!"
In the runner-up category (because they weren't technically on I-70) are the new construction-zone safety signs in Illionis, which read, "Hit a Worker, $10,000 Fine, 14 Yrs Jail." Now, I realize that they didn't have a lot of room on the sign for words like "if." But it's such a small word, and it's kind of important here. Otherwise, it's pretty much an invitation to take out a construction worker. Plus, what if you're speeding past and all you see is "Hit a Worker, $10,000"? You might think that not only does the state of Illinois want you to get rid of some of its highway laborers, but they're also going to pay you a pretty good sum to do it. I shouldn't complain, though. It's a vast improvement over the "Abby's daddy/Bobby's mommy" series. (You know the ones. "Please slow down. My daddy works here. --Abby") When I saw those signs, I was always tempted to stop at the site and yell, "OK, which one of you is Abby's daddy?" Of course, it would have been my luck that one of the guys really would've had a kid named Abby.
The most amazing thing I saw last night on The Amazing Race
Stupid Republicans (not you, Kate) and their stupid convention, pushing back The Amazing Race by an hour. Actually, it was stupid CBS's fault that I missed most of last night's episode. Why can't they be like other networks and, when changing the time of a show, run about a million promos that all mention the time change very loudly several times throughout the spot? But no, they simply stick the new time down in the corner of the screen on a regular promo and just expect you to notice it. Well, I did notice it. The problem was, it didn't really make that much of an impression, so I didn't remember that the time had changed until the episode was nearly over. I tuned in just in time to see Brandon and Nicole flee from the head-shaving Fast Forward and to hear Brandon's rationalization for doing so: "I wouldn't mind shaving my head--it'll grow back--but I wouldn't let Nikki cut off her beautiful hair." Because her hair won't grow back? I'm not sure I understand the logic here. Also, Nicole's justification that they couldn't do it because they're models is just lame. Did she learn nothing from Sinead O'Connor and Demi Moore? Head-shaving generates publicity, which is generally a good thing for people in the public eye. However, had they done it and found out later that the leg was non-elimination, it would have really sucked. So in this case, I think their decision worked out in their favor.
On Monday I had a job interview in Kansas City (at Justin's place of employment, incidentally), which means I have spent much of the past few days driving on my very favorite interstate, I-70. Actually, it wasn't as bad as I remembered it, which either means that MoDOT finally got its act together or that the roads in Alabama are just that much worse in comparison.
One thing that hasn't changed along I-70 is the proliferation of strange and amusing billboards. After all, this is the same road that gave us such classic billboards as "Abortion Kills Babies," "Ho-Made Pies" and "Monks? Yes!" Here are some of the new billboards destined for the hall of fame:
Billboard #1 featured a picture of a sonogram accompanied by the slogan, "Woman, behold your child!" Other than a vague-sounding Web address written in relatively small letters across the bottom of the billboard, there was nothing else on it that offered any clues as to what it might be advertising. So I came up with the following guesses:
a) anti-abortion sentiments
b) a hospital
c) Jesus (albeit in a very strange way)
After conferring with Doug and Holly later that evening, I learned that my first guess was correct. I wasn't all that surprised, considering the disproportionately high number of anti-abortion billboards lining both sides of I-70. Which makes me wonder, are there really that many knocked-up women driving back and forth across the state of Missouri every day?
Billboard #2 was a black-and-white picture of a hand holding a candle, accompanied by the text, "Drink and drive? You will be missed." You're probably thinking that this doesn't sound too odd. Just your average PSA, right? Wrong. This was an ad for a funeral home. The implicit message being, of course, "If you drink and drive, you'll die...and we'll certainly appreciate your business! Bottoms up!"
In the runner-up category (because they weren't technically on I-70) are the new construction-zone safety signs in Illionis, which read, "Hit a Worker, $10,000 Fine, 14 Yrs Jail." Now, I realize that they didn't have a lot of room on the sign for words like "if." But it's such a small word, and it's kind of important here. Otherwise, it's pretty much an invitation to take out a construction worker. Plus, what if you're speeding past and all you see is "Hit a Worker, $10,000"? You might think that not only does the state of Illinois want you to get rid of some of its highway laborers, but they're also going to pay you a pretty good sum to do it. I shouldn't complain, though. It's a vast improvement over the "Abby's daddy/Bobby's mommy" series. (You know the ones. "Please slow down. My daddy works here. --Abby") When I saw those signs, I was always tempted to stop at the site and yell, "OK, which one of you is Abby's daddy?" Of course, it would have been my luck that one of the guys really would've had a kid named Abby.
The most amazing thing I saw last night on The Amazing Race
Stupid Republicans (not you, Kate) and their stupid convention, pushing back The Amazing Race by an hour. Actually, it was stupid CBS's fault that I missed most of last night's episode. Why can't they be like other networks and, when changing the time of a show, run about a million promos that all mention the time change very loudly several times throughout the spot? But no, they simply stick the new time down in the corner of the screen on a regular promo and just expect you to notice it. Well, I did notice it. The problem was, it didn't really make that much of an impression, so I didn't remember that the time had changed until the episode was nearly over. I tuned in just in time to see Brandon and Nicole flee from the head-shaving Fast Forward and to hear Brandon's rationalization for doing so: "I wouldn't mind shaving my head--it'll grow back--but I wouldn't let Nikki cut off her beautiful hair." Because her hair won't grow back? I'm not sure I understand the logic here. Also, Nicole's justification that they couldn't do it because they're models is just lame. Did she learn nothing from Sinead O'Connor and Demi Moore? Head-shaving generates publicity, which is generally a good thing for people in the public eye. However, had they done it and found out later that the leg was non-elimination, it would have really sucked. So in this case, I think their decision worked out in their favor.
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