Tuesday, April 27, 2004
This city's drivers will be the death of me. And/or my car.
Sometimes I wonder if the city of Birmingham actually requires you to take a test before they'll issue a license. I mean, I've seen the lines of nervous 16-year-olds at the DMV. But perhaps they're just for show. Maybe what really happens is that the state trooper takes them outside to their car, gets in and says, "OK, turn on the radio and crank up the AC. We're not actually going anywhere. This is just to make those poor fools from out of state think we actually give a driving test."
This is the only plausible explanation I can think of as to why some drivers in Birmingham would possess so little knowledge of the rules of the road. Like, for instance, how when you're stopped at a stop sign and the cross traffic has no stop sign, you can't just pull up to the stop sign, stop and then immediately go without checking the traffic. Because, you know, if the cars in the lane perpendicular to you don't have a stop sign, not only are they not obligated to stop for you, they're probably not going to!
One guy who could have used this lesson happened to be driving the truck that almost careened into me yesterday afternoon (on the road to my office, no less, the site of my first unfortunate encounter with a person who was never taught the meaning of a red light/sign). Sure, I saw his wheels moving when he was behind the stop sign, but I thought he was just rolling up a little to check the traffic flow. I really didn't expect him to floor it, heading straight for me. Fortunately, he seemed to take note of me at the last minute and slammed on his brakes, and, as there were no cars in the lane beside me, I was able to swerve to the right, just barely avoiding the collision. Still, I had been given a horrifying glimpse of the grille of his truck coming full-speed toward my open window, during which I braced myself for the horrible crunch. I'm not exactly sure what happens when the front end of a truck meets your face, but I'm fairly certain I don't want to find out. Thank God I didn't have to.
After this traumatic incident, I still had to do my grocery shopping. At the store, I attempted to test out The Tyrant's patented cart-selection method. Actually it wasn't so much my wanting to try out the method as it was all of the carts except for the one in the shortest row either being filled with junk or refusing to part with the other carts in their row. But happily I remembered The Tyrant's secret to cart success as I pulled my cart from the shortest row. And what do I end up with? The cart with the gimpy wheel! And why? Because objects with wheels hate me! Obviously.
Smoothie of the Week
Last week, there was no Smoothie of the Week, not because I suddenly decided to be nice to Julie (sorry, Julie), but because I forgot to grab a smoothie recipe out of the deck before I went grocery shopping.
This week's smoothie is called Cool Hand Lime. (Paul Newman not included.) Again, this is the serving size for two people, because I still haven't really figured out how to divide 3/4 in half.
3/4 cup lowfat milk
1/2 cup fresh lime segments
3 tablespoons fresh (or bottled, I don't think it makes much difference) lime juice
3 cups nonfat vanilla yogurt
Smoothie rating: 9. Mmmmm. This smoothie tastes like a key lime milkshake, which, come to think of it, is pretty much what it is. In fact, add a splash of grenadine and some Sprite, and you'd have a cherry limeade flurry. Oh my. This could be very dangerous.
Sometimes I wonder if the city of Birmingham actually requires you to take a test before they'll issue a license. I mean, I've seen the lines of nervous 16-year-olds at the DMV. But perhaps they're just for show. Maybe what really happens is that the state trooper takes them outside to their car, gets in and says, "OK, turn on the radio and crank up the AC. We're not actually going anywhere. This is just to make those poor fools from out of state think we actually give a driving test."
This is the only plausible explanation I can think of as to why some drivers in Birmingham would possess so little knowledge of the rules of the road. Like, for instance, how when you're stopped at a stop sign and the cross traffic has no stop sign, you can't just pull up to the stop sign, stop and then immediately go without checking the traffic. Because, you know, if the cars in the lane perpendicular to you don't have a stop sign, not only are they not obligated to stop for you, they're probably not going to!
One guy who could have used this lesson happened to be driving the truck that almost careened into me yesterday afternoon (on the road to my office, no less, the site of my first unfortunate encounter with a person who was never taught the meaning of a red light/sign). Sure, I saw his wheels moving when he was behind the stop sign, but I thought he was just rolling up a little to check the traffic flow. I really didn't expect him to floor it, heading straight for me. Fortunately, he seemed to take note of me at the last minute and slammed on his brakes, and, as there were no cars in the lane beside me, I was able to swerve to the right, just barely avoiding the collision. Still, I had been given a horrifying glimpse of the grille of his truck coming full-speed toward my open window, during which I braced myself for the horrible crunch. I'm not exactly sure what happens when the front end of a truck meets your face, but I'm fairly certain I don't want to find out. Thank God I didn't have to.
After this traumatic incident, I still had to do my grocery shopping. At the store, I attempted to test out The Tyrant's patented cart-selection method. Actually it wasn't so much my wanting to try out the method as it was all of the carts except for the one in the shortest row either being filled with junk or refusing to part with the other carts in their row. But happily I remembered The Tyrant's secret to cart success as I pulled my cart from the shortest row. And what do I end up with? The cart with the gimpy wheel! And why? Because objects with wheels hate me! Obviously.
Smoothie of the Week
Last week, there was no Smoothie of the Week, not because I suddenly decided to be nice to Julie (sorry, Julie), but because I forgot to grab a smoothie recipe out of the deck before I went grocery shopping.
This week's smoothie is called Cool Hand Lime. (Paul Newman not included.) Again, this is the serving size for two people, because I still haven't really figured out how to divide 3/4 in half.
3/4 cup lowfat milk
1/2 cup fresh lime segments
3 tablespoons fresh (or bottled, I don't think it makes much difference) lime juice
3 cups nonfat vanilla yogurt
Smoothie rating: 9. Mmmmm. This smoothie tastes like a key lime milkshake, which, come to think of it, is pretty much what it is. In fact, add a splash of grenadine and some Sprite, and you'd have a cherry limeade flurry. Oh my. This could be very dangerous.
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