Wednesday, April 07, 2004
The return of the lengthy Idol recap
To those of you who don't give a crap, I apologize. But for those of you who do, here we go...
Why is it that the worst performers on American Idol consistently chose to sing my favorite song in a particular genre or by a particular artist? Are they trying to torture me? Last year, Josh Gracin did it when he picked "Piano Man." And this year, Camile Velasco has done it again by choosing "Good-bye, Yellow Brick Road," which is one of my favorite Elton John songs. Fortunately, she didn't get a chance to screw up the line about "a couple of vodk-er and tonics," which is my favorite one in the song and would be completely wrong as sung by anyone other than Elton John (and me, in my car). As I recall, Josh Gracin didn't sing my favorite line in "Piano Man," either (the one about the waitress practicing politics while the businessmen slowly get stoned). It's a good thing all of my favorite lines are about drinking and drugs and are therefore probably banned on such family-friendly programming.
It's also probably a good thing that my other favorite Elton John song ("Rocket Man") was sung by my boyfriend, Jon Peter Lewis. Actually, that's not any better, because JP really can't sing. Too bad this isn't Looking Adorable in a Velvet Blazer Idol, because that's something he does very well. Although come to think of it, the title "American Idol" is a little vague. If they were going to be specific about what they wanted out of this competition, they'd call it Loud Pop-Song Singing Idol. So who's to say that a major criterion for choosing an "American Idol" can't be looking really adorable in a velvet blazer? Judging by Jon's enormous fan base, I'd say it might already be.
On the bright side, John Stevens picked my least favorite Elton John song ("Crocodile Rock") and made me hate it even more with his cringe-worthy performance. Good job, John!
Come to think of it, I've always had a fondness for the original version of "Candle in the Wind," which surprisingly no one picked to sing. So I guess there is still one vestige of Elton John that remains unsullied by the American Idol contestants. Unless, of course, they're just saving it for the big group medley tonight, in which case, God help us all.
As we move along in the competition, there are a few things that are starting (or continuing) to get on my nerves. For instance:
-Fantasia ending every song she sings with "Yeah, yeah, yea-yea-yeaaaaah." This is just really uncalled for, in my opinion.
-Jasmine Trias's flower. At first I didn't mind the flower. But last night when I saw her wearing the flower with her sweats at rehearsals, it began to annoy me. The flower became symbolic for everything I don't like about her personality. She probably goes to sleep with the flower behind her ear, and when she wakes up, it is as pristine as when she went to bed. Jasmine probably has a flower behind her ear when she's totally hung over and has her head in a toilet bowl. Ah, who am I kidding? Jasmine doesn't get hung over. She probably doesn't drink, and if she does, she probably sticks to one type of alcoholic beverage and alternates each one with a glass of water to prevent a hangover instead of mixing alcoholic beverages willy-nilly throughout the night and then trying some last-ditch effort to stave off the hangover by attempting to drink an entire gallon of water while standing in front of the fridge. Not that I know anyone who would do such a thing.
-The fact that I spotted young children in the audience last night sporting Camile Velasco's Rastafarian wristband. The concept of a Rastafarian wristband is bad in and of itself, but the fact that these impressionable young minds have already been influenced by Camile is proof that my earlier worries were not the least bit unfounded. People, we have to stop her before she creates her own voting army of bad-haired, Rastafarian-wristband-wearing children!
-The fact that Ryan Seacrest still insists on using the catch phrase that didn't catch: "Seacrest, out!" I feel I must bring this up repeatedly in hopes of putting an end to it. After all, last season (and for the first part of this one), I repeatedly skewered his ludicrous wardrobe here on the blog, and, in addition to garnering many searches for the phrase "Ryan Seacrest's wardrobe" (which I now believe were an attempt by Ryan himself to see what nasty things I was saying about him), I seem to have been successful in getting him to dress like a normal person. Perhaps if I start seeing searches for "Seacrest, out!" pop up, I'll know that he's starting to get the message that EVERYONE HATES THAT PHRASE.
To those of you who don't give a crap, I apologize. But for those of you who do, here we go...
Why is it that the worst performers on American Idol consistently chose to sing my favorite song in a particular genre or by a particular artist? Are they trying to torture me? Last year, Josh Gracin did it when he picked "Piano Man." And this year, Camile Velasco has done it again by choosing "Good-bye, Yellow Brick Road," which is one of my favorite Elton John songs. Fortunately, she didn't get a chance to screw up the line about "a couple of vodk-er and tonics," which is my favorite one in the song and would be completely wrong as sung by anyone other than Elton John (and me, in my car). As I recall, Josh Gracin didn't sing my favorite line in "Piano Man," either (the one about the waitress practicing politics while the businessmen slowly get stoned). It's a good thing all of my favorite lines are about drinking and drugs and are therefore probably banned on such family-friendly programming.
It's also probably a good thing that my other favorite Elton John song ("Rocket Man") was sung by my boyfriend, Jon Peter Lewis. Actually, that's not any better, because JP really can't sing. Too bad this isn't Looking Adorable in a Velvet Blazer Idol, because that's something he does very well. Although come to think of it, the title "American Idol" is a little vague. If they were going to be specific about what they wanted out of this competition, they'd call it Loud Pop-Song Singing Idol. So who's to say that a major criterion for choosing an "American Idol" can't be looking really adorable in a velvet blazer? Judging by Jon's enormous fan base, I'd say it might already be.
On the bright side, John Stevens picked my least favorite Elton John song ("Crocodile Rock") and made me hate it even more with his cringe-worthy performance. Good job, John!
Come to think of it, I've always had a fondness for the original version of "Candle in the Wind," which surprisingly no one picked to sing. So I guess there is still one vestige of Elton John that remains unsullied by the American Idol contestants. Unless, of course, they're just saving it for the big group medley tonight, in which case, God help us all.
As we move along in the competition, there are a few things that are starting (or continuing) to get on my nerves. For instance:
-Fantasia ending every song she sings with "Yeah, yeah, yea-yea-yeaaaaah." This is just really uncalled for, in my opinion.
-Jasmine Trias's flower. At first I didn't mind the flower. But last night when I saw her wearing the flower with her sweats at rehearsals, it began to annoy me. The flower became symbolic for everything I don't like about her personality. She probably goes to sleep with the flower behind her ear, and when she wakes up, it is as pristine as when she went to bed. Jasmine probably has a flower behind her ear when she's totally hung over and has her head in a toilet bowl. Ah, who am I kidding? Jasmine doesn't get hung over. She probably doesn't drink, and if she does, she probably sticks to one type of alcoholic beverage and alternates each one with a glass of water to prevent a hangover instead of mixing alcoholic beverages willy-nilly throughout the night and then trying some last-ditch effort to stave off the hangover by attempting to drink an entire gallon of water while standing in front of the fridge. Not that I know anyone who would do such a thing.
-The fact that I spotted young children in the audience last night sporting Camile Velasco's Rastafarian wristband. The concept of a Rastafarian wristband is bad in and of itself, but the fact that these impressionable young minds have already been influenced by Camile is proof that my earlier worries were not the least bit unfounded. People, we have to stop her before she creates her own voting army of bad-haired, Rastafarian-wristband-wearing children!
-The fact that Ryan Seacrest still insists on using the catch phrase that didn't catch: "Seacrest, out!" I feel I must bring this up repeatedly in hopes of putting an end to it. After all, last season (and for the first part of this one), I repeatedly skewered his ludicrous wardrobe here on the blog, and, in addition to garnering many searches for the phrase "Ryan Seacrest's wardrobe" (which I now believe were an attempt by Ryan himself to see what nasty things I was saying about him), I seem to have been successful in getting him to dress like a normal person. Perhaps if I start seeing searches for "Seacrest, out!" pop up, I'll know that he's starting to get the message that EVERYONE HATES THAT PHRASE.
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