Monday, March 31, 2003
You say it's your birthday...
A very happy birthday to Mr. Al Gore. And to me, of course. I voted for Gore in the last election mostly because I harbored the secret hope that he would do something really great and they would make his (and my) birthday a national holiday. Alas, this did not happen. I have not given up hope yet, though.
I also still have hope that my National Hibernation Plan may some day catch on. The National Hibernation Plan allows us to catch up on sleep while skipping the worst months of the year. The Official Going-to-Sleep Day would be on Oct. 31 (which is Diana's birthday and also Halloween), and then the entire country would sleep through the cold and dreary months of November, December, January, February and March. Official Waking-Up Day would be on my birthday, March 31. Some critics of this plan have pointed out that you would miss several major holidays, such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day. But what they don't realize is that Official Going-to-Sleep Day and Official Waking-Up Day would usurp the beloved traditions of these holidays, such as gift-giving and mass consumption of food and alcohol. And we would be awake for all the great beer-related holidays, such as Fourth of July and Memorial Day.
Mark my words, once I take over the world, we'll all be hibernating through the winter!
A very happy birthday to Mr. Al Gore. And to me, of course. I voted for Gore in the last election mostly because I harbored the secret hope that he would do something really great and they would make his (and my) birthday a national holiday. Alas, this did not happen. I have not given up hope yet, though.
I also still have hope that my National Hibernation Plan may some day catch on. The National Hibernation Plan allows us to catch up on sleep while skipping the worst months of the year. The Official Going-to-Sleep Day would be on Oct. 31 (which is Diana's birthday and also Halloween), and then the entire country would sleep through the cold and dreary months of November, December, January, February and March. Official Waking-Up Day would be on my birthday, March 31. Some critics of this plan have pointed out that you would miss several major holidays, such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day. But what they don't realize is that Official Going-to-Sleep Day and Official Waking-Up Day would usurp the beloved traditions of these holidays, such as gift-giving and mass consumption of food and alcohol. And we would be awake for all the great beer-related holidays, such as Fourth of July and Memorial Day.
Mark my words, once I take over the world, we'll all be hibernating through the winter!
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